Check Your Sources
I read this article yesterday:
Charlize Theron Hired To Ride Struggling Cleveland Light Rail System Monday Through Friday
As part of an ongoing effort to rejuvenate its public transportation system, the Greater Cleveland Regional Transit Authority announced Wednesday that it had signed a three-year, $32 million deal hiring Academy Award–winning actress Charlize Theron to ride the city’s light-rail lines eight hours a day, Monday through Friday.
I thought, “What?! She gets $32 million over 3 years for riding around on a light-rail system?! Where do I sign up?”
Then I remembered that I was reading a fake news site. Sometimes I forget.
From The Internet
Rick Santorum: Are you sure you want this guy to be our president? [via Bad Lip Reading]
“I just want to practice soft algebra, please.”
New Year’s Resolutions
A quick look back at the Peachwater, Tx. staff’s 2011 goals reminds us that we’re still all collectively fatter, dumber, and poorer than we think we should be. So here we go boldly waddling into 2012 blindly sure of ourselves that we’re going to do it smart this time around and really lose that weight, read those books, and make some money!
Let’s take a look at how far we’ve come in the last month. It’s the beginning of February, it’s time to stop procrastinating and put up this post about our New Year’s resolutions.
First resolution: Stop procrastinating!
Check! We’re doing really good so far this year!
Second resolution: Write something on the Peachwater blog.
Wow! Two for two!
Third resolution: Lose some weight.
Damn. We’re starting a downhill slide here already. Better quit while we’re ahead.
Oprah
In related Rapture news, the last Oprah show is today. Jesus Himself is rumored to be making an appearance to tell everyone how much He was inspired by Oprah.
Damnation
We had a few breathless moments earlier today. We lost track of Mrs. Pottle for about three hours starting around noon.
Thoughts of hell fire and eternal damnation ran rampant through many of the less faithful.
You’ll be happy to know that we are all safe from Satan’s clutches — at least, for now. Turns out that Mrs. Pottle wasn’t snatched up to the Kingdom of the saints. As reported by one of her closest friends, she simply had fallen asleep in front of her TV after a large breakfast of Belgian waffles.
I guess God truly can use anything — including a heavy breakfast and a 70-something’s extended nap — to turn us back to the straight and narrow.
Post Rapture Report
It looks like the purported impending Rapture was a bust, at least locally.
We’ve made some phone calls to relatives outside of town — at least the good ones that might have made the final cut — but we haven’t heard back from any of them yet. Either they’re away for the weekend or are they are now singing in the choir forever hereafter.
The fact that Mildred Pottle is still amongst us leads most of us to think that the Rapture didn’t occur. Mrs. Pottle would be a strong candidate for being the first in line at the Holy Gates. She’s such a good and genuinely nice person that they’d let her cut ahead of the Pope and other higher-up type Christians, but she would be perfectly happy waiting her turn and letting them go on before her.
We’ve got eyes on Mrs. Pottle and will let you know if anything changes. Of course, if you don’t hear from anyone for awhile, then that might just mean that God has decided to significantly lower His standards and let all of us on across the goal line to Kingdom Come!
Peace!
A Little About Peachwater, Texas Online
Let’s just get this out of the way up front: Peachwater, Tx. is a fictional town. You won’t find it on a map. Your GPS navigator isn’t going to take you there. The post office can’t deliver letters to anyone in town. It’s just not real.
But it’s full of stories that will make you wish, and hopefully, think, that it is a real place. Peachwater is that place in which we all wish we could live for a moment. It’s a small town where neighbors still know each other, potluck dinners are common, and no one really bothers to lock their doors (because we all have guns).
The town exists in the same spirit as places like Lake Wobegon (Garrison Keillor), New York City, and France — places that as far as we’re concerned are just figments of someone else’s imagination.
As such, Peachwater, Tx., is said to be in the Texas Hill Country not far from the real town of Fredericksburg and the dance hall in Luckenbach (yes, like in the Willie Nelson song). Beyond that, the town exists mainly in the mind of Jeff Walters.
We’ll keep you up to date about the local happenings like the 58th Annual Peachwater Festival and the upcoming Valentine’s Day dance as well as throw in a little commentary on state, regional, and national events.
As they say in the blogosphere, stay tuned!
